Struggling with diagnosis

I was diagnosed last week after 3 years of stable MRIs and nothing that I would’ve considered a significant relapse. I’m struggling to come to terms with the fact I have MS. It explains so much and also has made me realise how much I have just be ‘putting up with’ over the years - pain etc that isn’t normal. I’m good at making excuses and putting on a tough act.
But I am scared. And sad. And confused. And I feel like I’m shutting down. I don’t feel like I cant be totally open with even my closest family or friends bc I don’t want them to be worried. Or scared. Or sad. And I don’t want people to think I’m being attention seeking or melodramatic.

But anyway, there we go. I am keeping calm and carrying on. Interspersed with the occasional freak out. Thanks for listening.

Dear MudRunner, yes, it’s tough, and I recognise all those emotions and reactions from my own experience, as will many of us, I think.

It does take time for the tumult of emotions to start to settle, and different people go about it in different ways. I don’t think there is a articular way to aim for. Our systems do know how to adjust ot a whole range of uncertainties and probabily of worsening circumstances: it’s just that the necessary mental process typically isn’t pretty and it isn’t enjoyable either.

The good news for the day is that it doesn’t keep feeling this bad. We are resilient creatures, and the natural tendency to assimilate, process and deal with things does reassert itself. Tha process might bit hit-and-miss, and is likely not linear, but it does happen and that does help. As for the people you love and who love you, well yes, that’s hard too. You might find it easier right now to give yourself a bit of processing space without trying to hard to explain to them things hat you have not got your head around yourself. Whatever works best for you. Of course they’re worried and of course you want to reassure them, and there’s no harm in that. And it can feel lonely because you think they don’t understand, and you’re right. You are responsible for your own feelings, not theirs, but nevertheless making others feel more comfortable can be healing in itself. They’re probably trying to do that for you, in their way. And if you find yourself being the one to assure everyone else that everything is going to be OK, you might permit yourself a well-deserved wry smile on the subject of who exactly is the one with the problem here… At the end of the day, of course, everything actually is going to be OK, sort of. You’ll deal with whatever comes along and it will be OK. For now, please be kind to yourself and do not expect yourself to take this stuff in your stride. The shock fo an MS dx is one of life’s biggies and it hurts and it’s frightening and there’s nothing much to do in the early days but batten down the hatches and wait for the storm to pass. Not to give you a target to aim for, but if you’re managing to mention the words MS without becoming a teary mess, by the way, you’re already doing better than I did at your stage. :slight_smile:

Good luck with it all.

Alison