Coping with guests

Hi everybody. While I have not had the formal diagnosis yet, it is very probably progressive MS that they are going to ‘drop’ on me. I experience very poor mental health, extreme tiredness and currently my left leg is giving me a fair bit of pain. I have had some falls. Daughter and husband and my 2 grandchildren are now home following an overnight visit. Children are 4 and 6. I get stressed before they come as I have to catch up with household tasks I have neglected. Then I get stressed when they are here as they take over my home and throw off any routine I might try to establish for myself. I get ratty with them etc Now of course I feel.awful.that I did not cope better. They seem to conveniently overlook the fact I am I’ll and expect me to play the perfect granny when I now find it very hard. They do not assist with any home and garden tasks although I travelled to help them out with childcare, leaving self pretty unwell. I tried to tell them this visit that there would come a time when I could not offer them accommodation for visits but it did not go down well. Wondering how others cope with these situations and looking for advice please.

Hi,

Wow you must be exhausted. Visitors when you’re in the best of health are a strain.

Because friends and family know about my MS I feel no guilt in asking visitors to help out. Also they feel useful. The other option is to get accom somewhere nearby.

Sorry to number things but tricky to type.

!. Ask them to bring their own bedding and towels -saves on changing sheets and laundry.

  1. Ask them to buy, prepare and cook at least one meal while they’re with you.

  2. Do an online shop to save stress having to go out to buy food.

  3. Make and freeze meals

  4. Put someone in charge of getting logs in and lighting the fire.

  5. . Have a bolt hole to escape to when it all gets too much.

Visitors should be something to look forward to especially family but I’m with you, it can end up being a strain.

Take care,

Jen

I get you entirely as Ive had to cope with this issue for all of the 22 years Ive had PPMS.

My eldest grandchild is 21, so his birth was right at the time of me starting with mobility/fatigue/pain issues.

I tried to hide it as I so wanted to enjoy this first new generation little boy. I did manage to babysit, play on the floor, have him sleepover and take him out by myself. But it was so knackering. 3 granddaughters came along after him. I couldnt do a lot of the things I did with him and felt sad about that.

Roll the clock on 22 years…I`ve just had my youngest grandchild to stay for 9 nights, as her mum works and asked for my help. She is 11.

Bless the child, she is sweet, considerate and thoughtful. She kept asking if I needed fresh water, my cushions adjusting and did I want a cuppa and biscuit.

I felt so worn out after she`d gone home, but felt useful and pleased to be asked to help.

What we ned to do whilst enjoying our family, is to ignore the extra housework, knowing it will wait, but children`s tender ages wont.

Some of my adult visitors do help out with meals etc, but some dont. If they cant see what`s needed, then let it go. Some MSers see no-one.

Boudsx

Hi,

Does your daughter understand the rigours of MS ? Might be worth if you can, just having a get-together with her first, or asking her to accompany you if you do get a meeting where its likely that they may be going to tell you that you’ve possibly got PPMS. It would be hard for the children to understand that you can’t be as physically active as you’d like to be, but their parents could explain that to them.

I think a quiet word or two with your daughter maybe over lunch together might be the answer. Not to discourage them from coming, far from it, but just to break it to them gently that you love them dearly but you can sometimes be in pain, your house may not be so tidy when they come and if they can help you out with tasks whilst there, then that would be welcome. Its about managing expectations really but also just getting them to see things about you, which may not be obvious. Hopefully you might then see a transformation when they are next over, because they’ll be only too glad to muck in, and get things for you rather than you having to weight on them!

Best,

Matt

We are soon to have long term company. Our eldest daughter is unwell. She suffered a nasty divorce recently and was left homeless and penniless, by a conniving, cheating, rat of a man.

She seemed to be getting on with her new life…found a new job, a new home, kitted it out, with our help, for her and her 18 year old daughter.

The daughter is off to uni next month. Our lass broke down the other day and said how she has put on a face for everyone.

She has lupus, rheumatoid arthritis, thyroid deficiency and is at her lowest ebb.

She`s asked if she can come home. After admitting life is beating her, we welcome her with open arms and hearts.

Luckily our bungalow has a self contained bedsit upstairs, which was built for her when she was 16…she`s is now 47!

Our babby.

Boudsx