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i'm innocent! or that's what i'm going to plead when it goes to court.

all circumstantial this so called evidence.

the drowning of my laptop was due to my compulsion to throw hot beveredges.

the allegations of witchcraft are true but i'm a nice human and have the t-shirt to prove it.

I can accept the fingers mob but this okra character has me confused.

I have never tried okra, must speak to the veggie lord of the kitchen (aka Billy).

insomnia is a b*tch, sat here drinking tea, even though I don't like tea, I like gin.

that's the answer, have a gin!

is this enough proof of my ID?

Chief Witch Carole58

I have MS

Dear Chief Witch,

Yes, I accept that you are indeed Carole of CWC fame, and also in charge of the Foggy Coven. 

I think that just the fact of you posting when all sensible Foggies are at least trying to go to sleep is irrefutable evidence that you are Carole.

As for innocence, I’m not quite so certain. I realise that you have a T-shirt or two and one of them may even state that you are ‘a nice human’. This in and of itself doesn’t prove anything  

I believe ‘Okra’ is a member of the Fingers mob. But as a vegetable, I’ve heard it’s slimy, inedible crap (just ask TDC if you can find her, she and I always agree on what counts as ‘food’ and what counts as ‘disgusting garbage’).

And the final proof that you are a genuine witch called Carole58 and Catwomancarole58 is that you think it’s a good idea to drink gin at 3:14am.

§ue

 

I must say, this is utterly insensitive and upsetting to a Lady of my standing (and sitting not to mention laying!). 

Okra is of course a pet name bestowed on me some years ago by a gentleman of my acquaintance. It was to do with my name you see. 

I take issue at anyone describing Okra as slimy etc, unless they are absolutely clear that they are describing the vegetable. 

Thank you. 

O S-S

I'm not so easily convinced.

First CatwomanCarole58 disappears for several days only to remerge as Carole58.

Then we hear that Carole did, in fact, drown her laptop. Was this in a Ducking Stool, a traditional test for witches themselves?

We also have a claim that she is a "nice" human and has T-shirts to prove it. I have a T-shirt that says "Cool Iron" but I defy anyone to come near me with an iron; cool or otherwise!

And as for claiming to be drinking tea when there is gin to be drunk sounds like highly unfoggy behaviour.

I put it to this new Carole that the old one has been abducted and that you are waiting for the stock market value of Bitcoins to get to a level that would make you a vast profit if you were to hold out for a ransom.

Where do you get these ideas from?

Rubber fingers

I have MS

You Fingers lot see tricks and ways to extract cash from people in the nicest of people. Nefarious villains the lot of you.

Carole may be a witch (she is), but that doesn’t make her a bad person. And I’m convinced she’s the same person as Catwomancarole58. Even if she does have ???s. 

And in her post she quickly decides that drinking tea is wrong and changes to gin. She states clearly, ‘I don’t like tea, I like gin’! Enough evidence for me.

You should try looking her up on Foggypedia, you’ll see that the entry for Catwomancarole58 clearly states aka Carole58.

Sue

I have MS

Ah yes; Foggypedia.

I opened my copy at random and found the following:

"Professor Evil: Alias AnthonyA,
Aloysius Temperance Florence Chatterley, nee  Quillberry (born 1 April 1984).  He was born into an impoverished old aristocratic family who, it is thought, came over with the Roman invasion of Gaul ‎(58–50 BC). His nanny swapped him for a carton of Capstan Full Strength to a group of Romany travellers who brought him up until he was 12 years old. They traded him to an itinerant barnstorming pilot who crashed his Sopwith Camel losing both arms.
The pilot, whose name is lost in translation, taught Aloysius Chatterley to fly using only his teeth and Aloysius went on to crash several aircraft of his own over the course of a short and unpromising career with the RAF who discharged him as "Incompatible with the Service"."

There is a lot more to his entry that explains why he took to a life of crime and makes interesting reading if you have got to the end of a seed catalogue and are looking or something less racy to lull you to sleep.

 

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After I mentioned Foggypedia yesterday, I thought I’d look up this odd character who has suddenly appeared amongst us: Okra or ‘Lady’ Fingers Smythe-Smith. She sounds like a really shady character. 

This is her entry:

Lady’ Fingers Smythe-Smith

The name is of course a pseudonym. ‘Lady’ Fingers Smythe-Smith was born plain Olive Smith in 1965. Her mother was Julie Smith (1948 - ), father unknown. Olive had several brothers and sisters, it is not known their names, full parentage or dates of birth. Olive distanced herself at a young age from her blood relatives. She grew up in East London and attended various schools before being expelled for the third and final time from Newham Upper School in 1980, then aged 15. She joined the notorious ‘Fingers’ criminal gang who at that time were a small time group of mainly teenage shoplifters and petty thieves, although obviously their criminal undertakings have become more serious in recent years. The gang included such figures as supermodel, Sarah ‘Hourglass’ Fingers Robinson, ‘Fast Fingers’ Eddie McGee (later shortened to just ‘Fingers’), ‘Watch my Fingers’ (believed to be an early pseudonym of the stage hypnotist and magician Jack Noble), and ‘Rubber Fingers’ (real name unknown). The leader of this loose group of teenaged criminals was the Master Criminal, ‘Professor Evil’, aka ‘AnthonyA’, real name Aloysius Temperance Florence Quillberry (later changed by deed-poll to Chatterley). 

Olive Smith used the gang name of ‘Lady Fingers’ and later adopted the forename, Okra. She also changed her surname to Smythe-Smith in order to appear more socially refined. She has been married 5 times in total, to Edward Hall-Morton (1989-1992), James Abercorn (1992-1993), Sacha Henkel Weiss (1994-1999), Jeremy Abercorn (twin brother of James, 2002-2006), and Nils Johanson (2007-2010). She has no children and at the present time is single. 

Ms Smythe-Smith worked for a time as a fashion model, and briefly as an actress although her only known roles were in Adult Films. She appears to have enriched herself primarily through various divorce settlements. She currently has homes in Belgravia and Monte Carlo. Her continued relationships with the various known members of the ‘Fingers’ gang are assumed rather than proven.

I have MS

I think I met her once. Did she used to do life modelling at Peckham Art School?

I still have some of my sketches if anyone's interested.

I have MS

I have no idea. Chances are she’ll have stripped for anyone for money, judging by her Foggypedia entry. So if you have sketches, I doubt they’re rarities. 

Sounds like a bit of a tart. But one without much heart. Unless there are ££ signs next to the heart!

§ue

It's like a masquerade ball in here ..

Like a what? 

Whose usin my name in there Foggypodia thing anyway? I’m not happy abaht this, not at all. 

Yeah alright, when we was kids we had a bit of a gang right. And I done some things that I’m not proud of. Like I don’t want me mum to know about. But I served me time paid me does to societies and now I’m clean. At least mostly clean. Or not very dirty at least. 

Unless the Prof. Was to call on me to do anyfing. Like, then I might. Make me self available like. 

But this writin stuff wit my name in. That’s gotta stop. 

McGee

I have MS

I know what you mean FB. You don’t know who is who right now.

The latest flurry of oddballs seems to have started after the conversation about whether Carole was indeed Carole. I said she was, but Rubber Fingers (whoever he/it is under the mask) started questioning whether she really was. So then Foggypedia got quoted and that is that. I wonder whether you’ve got an entry in Foggypedia? I wonder if I have.

Blimey, I hadn’t thought of that. I hope not. I don’t know what it would say. Some nonsense about an interfering old bat who always has an opinion.

Oh help. 

§ue

"... whoever he/it is under the mask ..."

You don't want to mess with this guy. He is one mean, bad, ugly dude and you don't want to find out what goes on under the mask. Anyone who tried to take a peek under that mask wishes that they hadn't. They tried to write a Foggypedia entry for him once but they couldn't get any of it past the censors.

I have MS

Could you actually be (gulp, pause for dramatic effect), the Man in the Iron Mask? That man of mystery from France in the 17th century? 

OMG, we might actually be able to convincingly solve the mystery of exactly who that man was / is! How exciting. 

§ue

I think you might be getting tired and emotional.

If this twerp was French he'd be wearing a high visibility jacket.

... not to mention doing something tasty with a goose, a funnel and a bag of corn

I have MS

I suppose so. (I have to admit to some disappointment.)

§

Now that my own Foggypedia entry has been made public, I feel that it’s only fair to publicise Fingers McGees entry:

‘Fingers’ McGee

Generally goes by McGee, he tend to downplay his gang association. He was born Edward McGee in 1956, and while he assumes a faux East/South London manner of speech, actually hails from middle class West London. His mother was an Ealing Magistrate, and father an accountant for PWC. They are still married. Still refer to their son as Eddie, and have no real concept of the world he resides in. 

‘Fingers’ (obviously an assumed addition to his name) now in the main goes by McGee, has never held a legitimate job, so has never been a UK tax payer. He has at time struggled to explain the source of his income and wealth, and has been incarcerated several times At Her Majesty’s Pleasure. His main strength (reputedly; this has never been proven, in spite of his convictions) is in lock picking and safe cracking. Most allegedly infamous is his involvement in the Bank of England ‘job’, in which £150 million was apparently liberated from Threadneedle Street. The means of entry have never been publicised, the perpetrators never identified, nor any of the money recovered. Of course McGee has never admitted to even hearing that such a break in to the Bank occurred. 

He remains an undeclared, yet pivotal member of the ‘Fingers Gang’, answering only to AnthonyA for his actions.

Of course, I retain a certain fondness for McGee, we share such a lot of our early years within the Fingers ‘family’. I hope he won’t mind my making his background public, or at least hope that he won’t punish me too much. I know I’ve been a very naughty girl!

Okra

I have MS

Odd the people who are popping up on this thread all of a sudden. 

Personally, I blame AD. I suspect him because these criminal types are just his sort. Anything to make money. So I wouldn’t be surprised if AD himself has ‘done time’ and may even have made the acquaintance of one or more of this Fingers mob while ‘inside’. 

§ue

I have MS

OK, I can take a hint. I had asked the editors at Foggypedia not to print my entry but I can see that this will only lead to continued and, most likely, erroneous speculation.

Albrecht Durer;
The name Albrecht is, in fact, a mistake. His mother wanted him named Albert, but his father had just come back from a long lunch at the Fool and Ferret and wasn't paying much attention to what was going on. When the vicar asked what the name of the child should be, he interpreted the slurred words as "Albrecht".

Albrecht's childhood was an idyllic life spent squirrel rustling, breeding fleas and collecting toilet paper. After he fell out of a second story window and landed on his head, his mother put bars on his bedroom windows which had a marked effect on his character. That and the pyjamas she made out of old War Department curtains printed with the Government arrow motif.

Although no record remains of Albrecht having done any prison time there are rumours of Home Office premises being burgled in the 1980's and only the files Comp-Dyer were removed, leading to speculation that, if he had spent time at "Her Majesty's Pleasure", that we'll never know now. Or where. Or for how long.

He categorically denies knowing, having known or will ever know any member of the Fingers mob; and if anyone suggests such a thing then he'll personally put it about that rumour mongers will lose certain parts of their anatomy until they desist. And he's not talking fingers!

I hope this clears up any misunderstanding.

A Durer
Durer Towers
Third Floor
Knock twice and ask for Joe.

I have MS

This does not sound much like a regular Foggypedia entry. 

I think ‘someone’ has been taking a smidgeon of ‘artistic licence’ (he is an artist after all) and has invented a fake Foggypedia entry. (Apart from the beginning, which sounds genuine enough to me.) And this ‘fake news’ incorporates a threat. Maybe someone is asking to be modded?

§

I hope you ain’t referrin to me Mr Durer??? If I were abaht to suggest we never shared ahem accommodation in a certain place someone might call me a lier. 

McGee

I had an aunt named Olive Smith - well to be honest I'd two of them. They married two brothers who had the surname Smith. One brother spent time 'at her Majesty's Pleasure' - (I wonder why it gave her 'pleasure' to incacerate (sp) him!)
But haven't come across the name McGee - we're well inundated with Jones's - Evans - Hughes - here but not a McGee in sight.

The plot thickens...

Anonymous

2036

Fingz woz ere!!

Anonymous

103568 Was here.

Anonymous

857422 Belmarsh D Wing

Kidnapping, extortion and money laundering 1988 - date

wos ere

Oh my !! We appear to have been infiltrated by time travelling relatives of the fingers clan and co with friends...

I'm not pointing fingers he might take them

I have MS

Honestly FB, I’m as mystified as you. I don’t know what’s happened. We do seem to have been invaded. Not by people hell bent on dismantling the Fog, but just coming here passing messages between themselves. 

And as for AD, I think he has a shady past, and these ‘Fingers’ all have something to do with him. Whether it’s sharing a cell, or painting naked ‘ladies’ (stretching the definition there!), virtually owning up to being the man behind the mask of Rubber Fingers, as well as sort of sharing a name with Prof Evil. I think there might even be a connection between him and ‘Watch my Fingers, Jack Noble,  ... I do suspect he’s the key to a vast empire of the criminal kind. 

Definitely avoid finger pointing. He’s really not trustworthy. 

§ue

I have MS

Hmmmm, I may need to join in with the new cat avatar theme

Image may contain: grass and outdoor

What do you reckon, better or worse than a Ram? I will not bore you with it all but we saw some amazing animals.

Mick

I have MS

Can a ram change his spots?

I have MS

Obviously,

This picture of the Ram was taken after the laurence llewelyn-bowen style make over that was first prize at the East Cheam Crochet & Chese society raffle held during the summer Fete somewhere.

M

sadly we saw no leopards although I have a sneaky suspicion they might have seen us...

I have MS

What a pretty kitty.

Please bore us with some more Mick!! I love your photos and am wildly envious of your trip.

§ue

I have MS

Thanks Sue,

Once I get an album within Flickr I will find a lame excuse to post a link. However we had the lowest number off photos at 1400 or so, I think the BIG boys & their toys probably have up to 4000 to go through.

Nik and I are also tied up trying to sell the house after the previous sale collapsed while we were eating drinking and watching wildlife. Oops

another cutie..... NOT one of my relatives

Image may contain: plant

I have MS

Extremely cute. I wouldn’t mind being a relative of his/hers!

No lame excuses needed. But I’ll wait until you have photos sorted. Plus resold your house! Don’t know which is most important. Probably the house!

§

I have MS

Reminds me of an aunt of mine. But I can't think why.

I second our queen of the jungle Sue & would love to see more pictures please !! ( when you're sorted)

Was watching natural world today it was all about misfits .. penguins in the jungle, a fossil fish that swims backwards when its eyes face forward and a marine iguana! Surely a relative of your very photogenic friend their Mick.

Beautiful cat ! I think my favourite big cat has to be a panther...

Am I right in remembering you went on safari?? Every possibility I'm remembering wrong of course...

I have MS

Thanks FB, sorting pictures will take some time.

Indeed we (11 of us - family and friends) had 5 day safari at a lodge in a South African game reserve.We were celebrating a pension, 3 big birthdays 1 huge anniversary. I was looked after like royalty, having my G&T plus nibbles brought to me whilst I sat in the land cruiser. (such a tough life) However I did have to get up every day at 5 am for the morning game drive. After 5 days of eating drinking and watching wildlife, then the horrid travel I was (am) tired to the max.Not fatigued but massively tired. So now I am looking forward to some serious recovery time to get over my amazing holiday of a lifetime.

PS my favourite cat (after our house moggie) is a leopard, sadly we did not see any but I think they might have seen us.

Mick

I have MS

Rest, relax, recover. At your age it’s necessary. 

Imagine having been married all that time?? 

Any wild big cats is a plus for me. 

Pu§§

I have MS

Dear Gardeners' Question Time,

Can you advise me how I can deter the unicorns which are coming into my garden. They are eating my daffodils and are leaving large piles of glitter on the lawn.

Also, is small-arms fire a deterrent to the phoenix currently nesting in the owl box?

Yours,

Gladys Smooth-Rendering (Lt Col ret'd)

I have MS

Dear Gladys

My mate Pippa said "just leave the windows open because plants are actually magnets"

I hope that helps

M

I have MS

Dear Ms Smooth-Rendering

Try renting (or buying if you can afford it) a dragon or a Minotaur. They do eat quite a lot, so aren’t cheap to keep, but they will keep your garden unicorn free.

Minotaurs do take a bit of coaxing to do what you want, and can chew through any chains you try to keep them securely, so I should try a dragon first, much more biddable. Dragon manure is marvellous for roses too.

As for phoenix removal, really you need a specialist. Small arms fire is likely to annoy the phoenix and cause them to start fire setting, which would leave you with no owl box, or possibly much of a garden at all. I suggest trying Magical Pest Extermination. They worked wonders on removing the basilisk which had taken up residence in my cellar. It was making it very difficult to retrieve bottles of wine.

Yours

Agnes Grey-Wittering (Mrs)

 

I have MS

I'll buy a compass to see which of my plants are magnets but I can't get paper clips to stick to them.

Mrs G-W, I'm sending you a bottle of pills. You need something stronger than wine.

G SR

 

I have MS

Sir- no need for a compass, your plants will make their own way to the piles of glitter.

If the pills are half as powerful as the right kind of cheese your patient will recover in no time at all

M

I have MS

That’s the problem, I can’t get to the wine and am running out of gin, whisky, brandy and vodka. 

Agnes G-W

Wasn't the rugby brilliant on Saturday - the Welsh lads beating the posh boys.
Ardderchog!

I have MS

Sorry, the ‘rugby’? Is that the game that’s a bit like football mixed with British Bulldog, played with a strange shaped ‘ball’? I always thought a ball had to be round, but then I’m not very good at sports, never have been to be honest. 

§ue

Or it might be the one that the American's play that they call football. hut hut hut hut!

 

Dear Jeremy Kyle,

I have been arrested and released by the police in Scotland six times this year so far. I was made to repeat what (Dismissed) and by whom (The Leith Police) on each occasion. Can I report this as a hate crime against my speech defect?

Yours sincerely,

Vyvyan O'Flaithbheartaigh de Montacute. Earl of Gosport

No ya can’t. 

McGee

And what do you know about Criminal Law?

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